Real Talk

When it comes to what I share on Instagram and this blog, I mostly try to keep it upbeat and positive; However, realness and authenticity are very important to me, so how can I really show you who I am if I don’t also talk about the challenges and struggles that I have in my life? I may look like I’ve got it all together, but trust me, most days I am just hanging on by a thread. Life.Is.Hard.

As women, we think we can handle allllll of the things. Our plates are overflowing with responsibilities and commitments – full-time jobs, raising children, managing a household, caring for elderly parents, nurturing our marriages, maintaining friendships and a social life, and the list goes on. We’re pulled in a million different directions, constantly stressed, tired, and worried, but we put on a brave face and keep pressing on like the rockstars we all are. What I have learned over time is that while we think we can handle it all, eventually our bodies find ways to prove us otherwise – enter panic and anxiety.

Until about five years ago, I had never dealt with panic attacks or anxiety. I was always a worrier growing up and still am to this day, but I had never really experienced physical symptoms as a result. One night back in October 2013, I was driving home from work and had a panic attack while going 70 MPH down the highway. At the time, I had no idea what was happening to me and I literally thought I was dying. I couldn’t catch my breath, my entire body became incredibly tense, my head felt like it was in a tunnel, and scariest of all, I felt like I had no control over my car – I physically felt paralyzed. I was able to pull over and eventually get myself together long enough to make it home.   After countless google searches (bad idea, I know), I realized that I had had a panic attack. The days and weeks that followed were some of the darkest and depressing times of my life. My car became a trigger for me (I assume because that is where I had the first attack), and I felt panicky every time I had to drive myself somewhere. It was literally all I could do to get myself from home to work and back home each day. I felt like my body was in a constant state of turmoil – a ball of nerves – and all I wanted was just to feel like myself again. I was worrying myself crazy trying to figure out what was happening to me – why was I fine all of this time, and then bam – having panic attacks out of nowhere?? I started seeing all of my doctors, determined to find out what was triggering all of this – was it neurological? Was it hormone related? They all came to the same conclusion – anxiety.

If you struggle with panic attacks and anxiety, then you know there really is not an easy fix. Some doctors wanted to put me on anti-depressants, and while I know that has been a successful route for so many other women, I was terrified of the side effects, so I opted to go the therapy route. I was reluctant at first as there seems to be a stigma associated with therapy, but I can honestly say that seeing a therapist during that time was so, so beneficial for me. She helped me realize the drivers behind my panic and anxiety, and gave me some great advice and tips for how to handle it. Most of all, she helped me realize that I was not losing my mind, and that the issues I was experiencing were a lot more common than most people realize – it’s just that no one talks about it openly! Through all of this, I came to the realization that once you experience panic attacks and anxiety, it never truly goes away. You have to learn how to identify it and control it, which I have somewhat been able to do until recently.

Over the past few months, there has been more stress in my life than ever, mostly related to my day job and my dad’s health issues. I feel like I am being pulled in so many different directions and I’m not giving any one thing the attention it deserves. I lie in bed, awake with worry every night, and my anxiety has been showing itself with a vengeance. I finally decided to open up on my Instagram stories a couple of weeks ago, and I shared a little about what I have been going through and how I have been feeling. Messages immediately started pouring in from you all and I was completely overwhelmed by the love, support and prayers. As I read through every message, the biggest revelation I had was that sooooo many of you are in the same boat. Each of our circumstances may be different, but we all are struggling daily with fear, worry and anxiety.

All of this got me thinking about how little we talk about how we are truly feeling. I am guilty of internalizing my stress (hence all the anxiety), and it’s because I don’t want to burden others with my problems. I don’t want to bring others down, and I definitely am not looking for pity. What I now realize is that everyone can relate, and by talking about it (or in this case, writing about it), it can help others to not feel so alone in their troubles.  I’m still working on myself and how best to deal with everything that life seems to throw, but I wanted to share a few suggestions below of things that I am doing and also some things that you all have recommended to me.

• Don’t bottle up all of your feelings – talk about it!  Others can relate to what you’re going through more than you think. I know there is a lot of pressure to always have on a happy face and paint the picture of a perfect life, but living life that way will only make matters worse. It’s okay to be yourself and open up – in fact, have a good cry while you’re at it! Letting it out and letting go is sometimes the best therapy!
• Consider Therapy – having an objective 3rd party to vent to that can provide you with advice and tools is priceless.
• Meditation – I’ve tried this before but I was terrible at it!  I have friends that swear by it though.  There are several great apps that do guided meditations like Headspace and Calm.  Check them out!
• CBD Oil – I started taking CBD hemp extract oil about a month ago after hearing tons of success stories.  Apparently it is a great remedy for a lot of things, anxiety being one of them.  It’s still a little early for me to give an opinion on my experience with it, but I will definitely report back!
• Exercise – Incorporate exercise into your routine, even if it’s just a 20 minute walk every day. I find exercise helps with my stress levels tremendously.
• Disconnect – I truly believe that too much screen time (aka browsing social media) can cause stress and anxiety levels to increase. Sometimes disconnecting and taking a break can be so refreshing.
• Last & most important…talk to God and have faith – He is in control.  He has a plan for each and every one of us, and His hands are in all of our situations.  Run to Him, worship Him and trust in Him.  A friend recommended I listen to Pastor Steven Furtick’s (Elevation Church) You Tube sermons – he did a series of several messages centered around anxiety called “Triggered”. I am linking message #1 below in case you want to check it out.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again – my mission at Pop of Pippi is to help other women feel confident and be their best selves, and that starts within.  Do not let stress, anxiety, worry, and fear take over your life and ruin the short days we have on this earth.  Always know that no matter what your struggles, you are not alone! Sending love and prayers to each and every one of you!